Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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