i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
