I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
