My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
