Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
