Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
