i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
