i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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