I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think my vagina is haunted
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
