i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
