I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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