I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
