hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
