life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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