I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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