i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
