I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
