Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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