FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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