Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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