I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
