I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
