It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
