How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
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