problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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