Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
