Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
