Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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