You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
