She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
