So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
