So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
