Whatcha textin bout Willis?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
