Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
