i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
