I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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