My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
