Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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