So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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