Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
When did angry sex become our thing?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
