i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
