just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
another moral hangover. fuck.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
