My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
