Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
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He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
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It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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