also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i need some magic done to my vagina
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
