my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize