I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
