:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
