I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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