It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
