Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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