So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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