id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
