come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
