just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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