i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
