She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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