I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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