I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
