yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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