do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
