I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
