when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
