someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
