I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize