i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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