I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
