Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
