I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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