Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
