When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
