my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
