it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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