but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
