i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
