i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So much Jack, so little girl.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
