she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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