we have officially lost it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
