I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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