if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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