Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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