If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
