trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
