i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
