I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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