i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
