I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
