They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
